You Can't Think Your Way Back to Yourself
On Wednesday night, I did something I couldn't have imagined doing ten years ago.
I led my very first Awaken HER class. It's a new kind of class I've been dreaming up for months, built around breath, music, movement and connection. Eight women said yes to this pilot class, walked into that room, and trusted me to guide them somewhere new.
When the music started, there was a little hesitation. A few glances around the room. That familiar am I doing this right? A feeling so many of us carry into everything that we do..
Then something shifted. Shoulders dropped. Movements started to get bigger. Women stopped watching each other and started following the music. There was laughter, there was freedom, and there was so much joy.
All of the women in that room, like most of the women I work with, aren't short on information. They've read the books. They listen to the podcasts. They've done the journaling, the courses, the therapy. They can tell you exactly where their people-pleasing, perfectionism and need for control came from, and why they struggle to let go.
And still, they feel stuck.
I know that place well. For years I could explain every one of my patterns, and I still kept repeating them. I knew I needed to rest more, and I still felt guilty sitting down. I knew I didn't have to do everything myself, and I still did.
So I'd try harder. Another book. Another course. A better routine. More discipline. As if the answer was just one more piece of information away, but it never was.
What I've come to understand, in my own life and in my work, is that your nervous system doesn't change because you learn something new. It changes because you experience something new.
You can know you're safe to slow down. But your body has to feel it. It has to feel what it's like to slow down and have nothing bad happen. Until then, the old pattern keeps winning.
You can know you're allowed to take up space. But until you actually take it, and feel it in your chest and your feet and your voice, it stays an idea.
That's what I watched happen on Wednesday. Those women didn't learn anything new about themselves. They felt something. Freedom. Joy. Fun. Permission. Their bodies got to experience letting go, and you can't unfeel that.
It happened for me too. I use my voice every week when I teach yoga, but this class asked something different of me. It asked me to be loud. To be bold. To stand at the front of a room and be fully, unmistakably me. I could have read a hundred posts about finding your voice. Nothing would have taught me what that one night did.
Coming back to yourself isn't a mind thing
If you've been trying to think your way out of feeling lost, exhausted or disconnected from yourself, please believe me, you're not failing. You've just been trying to solve a body-level problem with your head.
Coming back to yourself happens through small, real experiences. The walk you take even though the to-do list is long. The honest sentence you finally say out loud. The twenty minutes you lie down and feel the world not fall apart. The song you dance to in your kitchen when nobody's watching.
Each one teaches your body something your mind already knew.
If you're reading this and thinking yes, that's me, I know all of this but I'm still stuck, I'd love for you to join me tomorrow night.
Where Did I Go? Free Masterclass
Monday, October 5 at 7pm ET · 60 minutes · Free
We'll talk about how we slowly disappear, why trying harder keeps us stuck, and what it actually looks like to start coming back, one real moment at a time.
Mel x
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