The Invisible Load I Never Saw My Mum Carrying — Until I Felt It Myself

I Didn’t See It Then… But I Feel It Now

When I was growing up, I never noticed the weight my mum was carrying.

She was a single mum, raising three daughters on her own. No help from my dad. No partner to share the endless to-do lists, worries, or emotional weight that comes with being “the one” everyone depends on.

As a child, I saw a mum who kept going. Who made sure we were fed, clothed, loved. Who showed up every single day.

What I didn’t see were:

• The late nights spent stretching every dollar

• The mental checklist running constantly in her mind

• The way she anticipated our needs before we even spoke them

I didn’t see the invisible load.But now, as a mother myself - I feel it.

I have a supportive partner. I have help and still, the mental and emotional load can feel overwhelming.

So I often find myself wondering...How heavy must it have been for her?

What Is the Invisible Load?

If you’re nodding along, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

The invisible load isn’t about ticking off tasks. It’s the constant mental and emotional labour women carry to keep life running smoothly.

It’s:

• Knowing when the groceries are low

• Booking doctor’s appointments

• Remembering birthdays (even the ones that aren’t yours)

• Keeping track of the kids school & activities schedules

• Noticing when the kids have outgrown their clothes.

• Keeping tabs on what food the kids currently like (because it changes weekly)

• Knowing where everyone's missing items are

• Sensing when someone’s stressed and adjusting your own needs

• Being the emotional anchor, even when you feel like you’re sinking

• Staying up late to make lunches, pay bills, or catch up on work after everyone else is asleep

It’s silent. It’s heavy. And so often, it goes unseen - even by us.

Strength Doesn’t Mean It Wasn’t Crushing

I used to think my mum was just “strong.” And she was.

But strength doesn’t mean the weight wasn’t too much at times.

For generations, women have been conditioned to:

• Carry the invisible load without complaint

• Wear exhaustion like a badge of honour

• Quietly hold the pieces of everyone else’s lives together

But just because we can carry it…Doesn’t mean we should carry it alone.

If you’re feeling it too, I see you. I see the way you hold it all - the seen and the unseen.

Here’s your reminder:

• You don’t have to justify your exhaustion.

• You don’t have to prove why you’re overwhelmed.

• The weight you’re feeling is real.

Sometimes, just naming the invisible load is the first step to lightening it.

3 Gentle Steps to Start Putting It Down

1. Have the Honest Conversation: Open up to your partner, family, or friends about what you’re carrying.

2. Let Go of Perfection: Not everything needs to be done and definitely not perfectly.

3. Give Yourself Permission to Pause: You deserve rest. You deserve space to breathe.

We Were Never Meant to Carry It All Alone

That’s the heart behind everything I do. It’s why I create spaces like Soul Food Collective, Her Space, women’s circles, and retreats, yoga classes because you deserve somewhere to put the load down.

If this resonated, I invite you to:

• Share a story of a woman in your life who carried the invisible load

• Or reflect on your own experience

Let’s start honouring the unseen strength women have held for far too long.

Mel x