The Fear of Being Seen (And Doing It Anyway)
Today I'm launching my very own podcast. It's called Women, Unfiltered, and it's been sitting in my drafts, my voice memos, and my "one day when I'm braver" folder for way longer than I want to admit. And now it's actually happening, and I am equal parts excited and absolutely terrified.
I've caught myself, more than once this past week, trying to talk myself out of going through with it. There’s the whole "what if nobody listens" but there is also a much older and deeper fear. What if they do listen, and they don't like what they hear? What if I say something and it's too much? What if I'm finally, fully seen, and it turns out that's not something people want?
I've been shape-shifting my whole life to avoid finding out. Reading a room before I've even walked into it. Deciding who I needed to be before I let anyone decide it for me. There's a reason I still struggle to step onto a dance floor without a drink in my hand first, some part of me learned a long time ago that being fully, visibly myself wasn't always safe, and my body has never quite let go of that memory, even decades later.
So no, this isn't really about a podcast. It's about the fact that being liked and being real have felt, for most of my life, like they were in competition with each other. And I always picked liked I can see all you people pleasers out there nodding your heads).
I'm years into this inner work, and I now know that the fear that shows up right before you do something true isn't a stop sign. It's just an old protective part of you, doing its job, trying to keep you small because small has always felt safer than seen. Fear before growth isn't a sign you're off track, it's usually a sign you're finally on it. Excited and terrified really can live in the same body, at the same time, over the same thing.
Playing small may have kept me safe once, a long time ago but it led to self-abandonment and I'm done abandoning myself to make sure everyone else stays comfortable.
So today the first three episodes go live anyway. Fear and all. Imperfection and all because I am doing it all, the recording, the editing so please don’t expect perfection. That's the whole point of this podcast to show up, exactly as you are, no polish, no filter, no mask. I am going ahead with this dream project, not because I've suddenly stopped caring what people think. I'm human, I’m a highly sensitive woman who still cares, but because I've finally stopped letting that be the thing that decides what I do with my one voice, my one life.
If there's something you've been sitting on, the thing you're scared to say, post, start, or become because someone might not like it, I'd love to know what it is. Sometimes just naming it out loud is the first brave thing.
And if you want to be there for the beginning of this new adventure for me, the first three episodes are out today. I'd love for you to press play and I would be super grateful if you could share with all the women you know.
I would also love to hear from you, what you want to hear us talk about in these conversations. Hit reply and let me know.
Mel x
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