Are You Sitting on the Sidelines of Your Life?

A few years ago, a friend asked me this question:

"Are you sitting on the sidelines of your own life?"

I couldn't answer it in the moment but that question stayed with me for days, I couldn't shake it until I realized my answer was yes. That's exactly what I'd been doing. Watching everyone else play the starring role in their own stories while I hid in the background of mine. Supporting. Helping. Showing up. Always there, just never center.

That question became a catalyst. Not because it gave me an answer, but because it finally made me ask the right one.

Looking back, I can see how it happened. Slowly. Quietly. I had spent so long fitting myself into everyone else's lives that I'd stopped noticing I was doing it.

Fitting into my kids' schedules, giving them everything they needed, driving them wherever they needed to go, listening whenever they needed someone to listen to.

Fitting into my partner's rhythm, being available whenever it was convenient for him, even when it wasn't convenient for me.

Not feeling seen or heard, not even in the relationships I loved most.

None of that is a bad thing on its own. Showing up for the people you love isn't the problem. The problem is when it becomes the whole thing, when you're so busy fitting into everyone else's story that you forget you're supposed to be the main character of your own.

Maybe you're the one who remembers everything, plans everything, holds everything together and somewhere in all that holding, you lost track of what you actually want.

Maybe you've been playing a supporting role for so long it started to feel normal. Like that's just what this season of life is. Like your job now is to make sure everyone else's story goes well and yours is meant to take a back seat.

Is that what you want the next chapter of your life to look like?

Still sitting on the sidelines? Still playing the supporting role? Or do you want to be the main character in your own life, the one making the choices, the one whose wants and needs actually count?

Wanting isn't selfish, it isn't too much. It's actually the beginning of everything. But I won't pretend it's simple. Choosing yourself after years of putting yourself last isn't a switch you flip. It takes putting in the hours, the real, unglamorous hours of figuring out who you are underneath everyone else's needs. What you actually want. How you actually feel, when you're not managing everyone else's feelings first.

That's the work. Remembering the woman who's been there all along, waiting for you to notice her, because I promise you, she's still there, waiting for you.

You don't have to stay in the background of your own story. You get to walk out from the sidelines, whenever you're ready. You don't need a five-year plan, you just need one moment.

This is something I walk the women I work with through: Pause. Notice. Choose.

Today, watch for one moment where you're about to do the automatic thing, whether that be say yes before you've even thought about it, or put your own need last, or fit yourself into someone else's schedule without checking in with your own.

When you catch it, just pause and ask yourself: "What do I actually want here?"

Then just notice. What comes up? Are there feelings, emotions, physical sensations, external noise? Is there a whisper? You don't have to put any explanations to it, just be with whatever shows up

You don't even have to act on the answer yet, or change anything if you're not ready. The point is, you then get to choose. But choose from a place of awareness, of presence.

Pause. Notice. Choose.

This practice may seem small but this is how you start walking off the sidelines, it's how I did.

If this is resonating with you and you're ready to start finding your way back to the woman who's been waiting on the sidelines, I've put together a free five-day audio series called Coming Home to HER. Just five to seven minutes a day, just for you.

Coming Home to HER - sign up here

Are you ready?

Mel x